Social Media

I don’t think I truly realized how important social media and technology are to my everyday life as a student. Taking an online class it’s sometimes hard for me to remember that I actually have the class. But as I learn more about the integration of social media and education in this day and age, I know that it is wise to learn all that I can now.

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I see the use of social media in many classrooms. When I did observations of classes semester I saw how teachers are now using social media to help engage students on a deeper level. The teacher had an app for the class where students could answer online questions on their smartphones and it would be projected on the smart board. It was awesome because it engaged the students on their level, but also brought fun to the classroom. Also, to manage cell phone use on other days she had a bin in the middle of the desks so students wouldn’t be distracted by them during class.

 

Critical Thinking

Being an English major, I am thankful for all that I’ve learned along the way. One of the biggest things I’ve learned is the ability to think critically. Not only do I have to think critically in the classroom, but I also have begun to use it while reading novels for fun or when I watch movies.

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Recently, My family and I went to go see Fences. My family absolutely hated it, but I saw it from a different perspective. The movie was filled with monologs and stagnant scenes, but I realized there was something deeper going on underneath the script. The reality of the star of the play was much deeper than what was going on within the scenes. The movie projected deep characters and symbols that had potential to be dissected into something deeper and meaningful. Even though my family disagreed with my assessments, I know at least one of my English professors would have been proud of me.

Dreaming

My dream after college is to teach English overseas. It’s easy to think that graduation is far away and I have time, but I realize time is always moving fast! To counter that I’ve spent my time doing a lot of research to keep the dream alive. I’ve run across a few companies and have gotten so much inspiration from each one. Honestly, I don’t think graduation can come fast enough. One company I’m looking into is called CIEE.

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They come with awesome reviews and I actually have a friend that taught for a year with them. After talking to her and doing some research I see the potential. After talking to her and doing some research I believe that this company is a true contender for what I want to do after I graduate! Of course, I’m keeping my options open, but it’s exciting to think about all the adventures that are just around the corner.

1 More Year

As I look at my degree plan I feel like I have so much time left in school. This semester I changed my minor from education to behavioral and political sciences. With this minor, I am able to take classes from a multitude of departments, now it’s just deciding which classes! Also, with the change of minor, I am able to cut an extra semester of school.

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Now that I have a new minor, I realize that I am in school for a year after this semester and it still feels like time is running too slow. I am almost done with all of my English classes, and now find myself needing to pick my classes but having too many options! However, I’ve decided to take it one step at a time. I realize this semester I have a lot on my plate, and when it’s time for me to register for classes next semester I will be prepared. Hopefully, this time next year I’ll be gearing up for graduation!

Never Enough Time

 It’s hard to believe that this semester is already barreling towards midterms. I can’t seem to keep up with deadlines and due dates with work and personal issues. Between mountains of homework, binge watching episodes of Gilmore Girls, and trying to remember due dates; I’m ready to tap out of this semester.

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Previous semesters it was easy for me to get comfortable and coast through all my classes. Yet, this semester I wish I had a do-over button to push so I could somehow start off on the right foot. I would have pep talked myself into utilizing time management techniques or bought a planner the first week of school rather than three weeks into the semester.

Still, time goes on and I know it is only my responsibility to get my life together. But let’s be honest, the planner I spent a solid $20 is now neglected after 7 days use and Netflix just added some binge-worthy shows that were uploaded just for me. Hopefully, there will still be time to get my life together and finish all my homework by the end of Season 1!

Good

Last year I wrote a post called I Have Issues (read it first!). I want to give a little back story to the post and wrote about how things have changed in the past 11 months. I’m excited/nervous writing this because I have been somewhat private on social media about my relationships. He has been faithful in the midst of the choices that I’ve made, and I feel comfortable sharing a little bit of my journey.

Last year at the beginning of April, I was broken up with. The relationship didn’t last that long, but I was hurting. I had never really experienced heartbreak and I got my first taste last year. It sucked. It really truly sucked. I cried and prayed a lot. I was essentially broken up with because our dreams didn’t align. I was stuck on Haiti and not compromising a cent about it. I had to process through some anger and rejection that I had never felt before.

The relationship dissolved and soon after I get a message about how I got into the Haiti internship. I was over the moon ecstatic and it somehow eased the burden of my broken heart. Just a little. However, if you read in my post I turned down the internship. Oh boy, there were not enough tissues. I was heartbroken, defeated, weary. I mean all of the sad words you can think of I was embodying all of them. ALL OF THEM.

Days lead to weeks and then to months where my pain was building up in my heart and I felt something had to give. I was angry at God, angry at men, just angry. So like a crazy person I deleted my Instagram (the craziest, most emotional thing that I regret to this day), I deleted around 400 people off of my Facebook and deactivated it, I deleted Snapchat, and I stopped writing. I was on a mission to ease my pain, but I ended up causing myself more pain as I isolated myself and found myself embarrassed for feeling how I was feeling.

For months, I wrestled with Jesus. FOR MONTHS. I couldn’t find or see any goodness coming out of my situation. I honestly wasn’t looking for it either. I had somehow gotten comfortable in my “woe is me” attitude. I was done wrong and things didn’t go my way, so I had every right to feel the way I felt. I read my journal from that time and I cringe. I was a hot minute away from losing my mind.

To make a really sad and long story short, I never took that class. I dropped out the second week, started working full time over the summer, and then enrolled into Prairie View A&M. Funny how NOTHING ever goes as planned.

All of this leads me to today. I am a little over a month removed from being out of a relationship. Again this one didn’t last that long and was way more amicable than the last. Not that the heartbreak wasn’t as bad. I’m still feeling throbs here and there. But it’s crazy how literally a few days after the relationship ended I got the call that I got into the same internship again! Hello.

Hello.

I took inventory today because I realized how I am in a much better place than I was last year. I’ve had an awesome community of women holding me up and covering me. All-nighters, sparkling wine, belly laughs, weepy telephone calls, prayer nights, car worship sessions, check up calls, and funny memes on Instagram; every single one has been instrumental in my healing. Instead of disconnecting like I did before I forced myself to open up to my closest loved ones about what I was walking through. I gave myself permission to cry to sad songs, but also gave myself permission to be happy. I acted out in emotion, but I repented for my wrong doings. I gave myself time to be alone to process, but also made sure I was connecting to others in a healthy way. Now, I have not been perfect. I have lost my cool a few times these last few weeks. The people who have been on the other end of my mishaps can testify. This breakup has shown me so much about myself more than anything and it’s been a little unnerving. But I’ll write a post on that soon because it’s a lot!

Jesus, Oh Jesus. I can’t tell you how true the scripture is when it says He is close to the brokenhearted. There are no words to describe the presence that I have felt these past few weeks. I found that as I earnestly sought Him He would meet me where I was at. EVERY SINGLE TIME. My prayer and worship life have undergone some transformation. There is a dependency that I have found in this season that I have never possessed. An intimacy that is undeniable and has carried me through the longest of nights.

At the end of the day, I have an understanding that I lacked going through my last break up. The very nature of the Lord is that He longs and is delighted to be good to me. It is His pleasure to shower me with his goodness and mercy. There is not a day that goes by that I am not on His mind every second, every minute, every hour of the day. He sees my choices and decisions and doesn’t condemn me for them. Whether they be right or wrong He never removed himself from my side. Every step of the way, every right and wrong choice, I have never been alone. Walking through relationships, and walking out of relationships His goodness has never failed. His plan for my life had not been broken down or halted. His mercy has a way of transforming every situation for His ultimate glory. This truth has carried me through my bad days and my good days.

The Lord is good to me. Always.

One Day At A Time

*Sorry if this blog post comes across as choppy, vague, or evasive. Over time, I plan to write more about the time I took to process and the things I learned but for now, it’s good to be back!

It’s been a while and a long time coming. There have been so many instances these last few months that I wanted to spell out everything going on in my life but ended up staring at a blank screen. Somehow, the words and stories fell short of actually reaching my computer screen and I was stuck. I was stuck for a long time.

It’s been a process, a long process. Now that I look back, I had to heal. There were things I had walked through and were walking through that didn’t necessarily need to be publicized. I was learning discernment throughout and realized the Lord was protecting me from a lot. If I were to have written in those moments it would have been out of a place of hurt, shame, pain, and hopelessness. I needed time to let the Lord truly minister to my heart in those moments. He had to take me back to the basics and remind me who He is and who I am in Him.

Today, I’m in a much better place. I took some time to seek wise counsel, I made time for myself to focus on what I was lacking, I made big girl decisions regarding my spiritual growth, and prayed like never before. I had to learn a lesson these past few months. It took me a while to understand exactly what was going on, but now it’s like a lightbulb has gone off.

“Say yes for today.”

I wish I could go on and on about the fear that cripples me as I think about the future, and how it causes me to  immediately start shaking my head. I hear the promises of the Lord and instead of receiving it and claiming it, I immediately allow fear and doubt to take over. This has happened more times that I would like to admit as a “believer” especially since the New Year rolled around with a fresh new set of promises.

I realize now just how much time I have wasted feeding into this fear. I could have been working on seeing these promises come to fruition but I’ve locked myself down and haven’t moved an inch. I realize now this is how the enemy likes to play. To try and make the possible seem so impossible, and use fear to rob you of precious time. I have been robbed of time, sleep, and peace of mind worrying about something that I don’t even have to worry about!

So today, I take back my peace of mind. I’ve been letting fear cripple me, and stop me from sharing AMAZING NEWS!

In January, I got accepted into Coreluv’s Internship. I have the privilege to serve in Haiti for the whole month of June this year. 

I’ve been so hesitant to share or even try and grasp going back to Haiti. It’s been a long time coming and to have it sitting in my lap, I’ve literally been stuck like a deer in headlights. I’ve allowed fear to rob me of my excitement because I knew fundraising would have to happen, and we all know fundraising stretches your faith like no other. I’ll have a blog post about the story and the internship soon!

But today and every day after, I say Yes. I say yes because I have experienced the goodness of Jesus. I say yes because it is Jesus’ nature to be good to me. I say yes because He has never failed me, not once. I say yes because in Him all promises are yes and amen. I say yes because He had this planned out before the beginning of time and He knows what He’s doing. I say yes because I trust Him. I trust Him to do what only He can do, to calm this anxious heart of mine, and give me rest. I say yes because I love Him. I love Him not for what He has done or what He will do, I love Him for who He is. He is mine, and I am His. Always.

Jesus, give me the strength to say yes even when I don’t understand. In the moments where confusion or doubt creep in, remind me of your faithfulness. Give me the peace knowing that when I say yes you have control and you won’t let me fall.  Help me say yes in my weakness, to not let pride rob me of my promise. Let my days be filled with yes.  Forever and ever. Amen.