Lately

May 11, 2015

in the quiet, with clutched and achy hands, you dump out your burdened heart. the hurt, the confusion, the insecurity. you’ve needed this moment. be honest, you’ve needed this for a while now. it’s time to let it go. it’s time to decompress and just lay down for a while. you try to conceive what it would be like. maybe it will come like winter, with a bitter reality encased in a cold chill. or maybe it will come like summer, with a bright revelation wrapped in a warm glow. maybe, just maybe; it will come in the quiet. like the soft wind suspended between two seasons. waiting, anticipating the changes to come. you’ll listen intently for that voice. the voice your heart longs to hear. you’ll begin to pay close attention to the soft rustle of leaves and the quick snap of branches. but for now you wait. in the quiet, you wait with a steadfast hope. what are you waiting for? you’re not sure. maybe it’s reassurance. a word that speaks just to your soul and yours alone. or you wait for something tangible. something that takes you by the hand and leads you to what you’ve ached to fathom. you’ll wait. however long it takes, you’ll wait because you know that in the passage of the middle you are being refined. weeds lose their hold and seeds prepare to sprout life. you long to be truly satisfied in these quiet moments. you pine for peace and the realization that you want absolutely nothing, and have all that you need. you fill your lungs and trap the promise that you lack no good thing inside your chest. you’ll wait to bloom. you know you will. because you’ve weathered too many erratic storms, stilted winds, and wilted harvest to stop you now. you’ll wait with emptied hands and a light heart. you’ll wait for the voice your heart yearns to know; the voice that calls you home.

May 26, 2015

it’s comfortable. this life you lead. but it’s not enough. your comfort is safe and debilitating all at the same time. but there is only so much your soul can take. be honest with yourself, this is not what you wanted. you’ve compromised; something you said you’ll never do. but it’s not too late. it’s never to late when He’s here with you. He was there when your heart cracked open and birthed a strength you thought you lacked. He was there when the foxes prowled in your vineyard and attempted to steal your joy. He was there. patient, and steadfast in His love for you. this comfort isn’t so comfortable anymore, is it? it’s starting to chaff and leave your soul exposed. you’ve patched over it a few times. hoping that lies conceal and your secrets erase, but it doesn’t work that way. He’s the only balm for that patchwork soul of yours. still, you lack direction and courage to listen. it isn’t what you want to hear. to give it all up? but Jesus, isn’t that too much? still your heart beats for something greater. something fills you and calls you out of that comfort, into the unknown. it almost sounds like drums, the beat floods you from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet. and you walk. you leave your comfort behind and walk into the call placed on your life. it’s daunting, but you know the drums beat out a rhythm of grace that guides your every step. your song of deliverance rings inside of you and overflows to those who have yet to hear of His goodness. you’re out of your comfort and in the hands of the ultimate Comforter. you have tasted His goodness and want for nothing. you sit and listen in His presence. His anointing sweeps over your body and you dance. free and unashamed, you dance to the beat, the song only meant for your heart to hear. you’ve pushed past comfort and reached a place where His love is naked before you. your comfort dimmed its light, but there’s no mistaking the love that shines in His eyes. eyes that blaze with passion, and acceptance. you realize now that comfort can be overrated. you’d much rather dance before the One who created you to do more. so much more.

With Jesus

That is my car that is currently un-drivable after an accident yesterday

I have got to be honest. These past couple of days have been so trying and exhausting. I haven’t even processed it all. So many things have gone so far south that I sit down and think that this can’t actually be my life. I have questioned God more times than I can count. I’ve lost sight of His promises in the face of all these issues that have decided to sprout up without warning.

However, tonight with Jesus there were no questions, no complaints, just taking the time to sit in His presence. I realized, that all He wanted was for me to just sit and be. Be with Him in our secret place, and let him pour out His love, grace, peace, and mercy. I have been praying/longing for more of Him, and as my longing has been met day by day I can’t help but rejoice in the face of my adversity. The thing that has been trying to drag me down only forced me to lay at the feet of my Savior. To me there is nothing sweeter than that, and I would walk through all of my troubles a hundred times over to just remain at His feet and simply be in His presence.

Let This Fire

I’ve felt a little restless lately. I just knew something was right, and it hasn’t been right for some time.

These past couple of weeks as reality and life have hit me hard I’ve realized that this fire in me has dimmed.

I feel it. My life has begun to echo its hollowness, and it needs to change. Today.

My prayer is that God kindles a fire in me like never before.

Let this fire be insatiable; overwhelming in all of it power.

Let this fire be sweet; encompassing me in a grace that calls me home into Your arms.

Let this fire be passionate; pursuing me in the darkness and carrying me back to safety.

Let this fire be limitless; pushing me out of my comfort zone, and calling me to places I’ve never ventured.

Let this fire be gentle; as it smothers me in love that fills every aching need.

Let this fire abound; not stopping with me, but consuming others in my life.

Let this fire be unquenchable; as I hunger and thirst for more of Your presence.

Let this fire blaze; refining me into the woman you have called me to be.

Let this fire be found in me.

Let my life catch flame and speak volumes of Your tender mercies and majestic glory.

004

Amen.

For our “God is a consuming fire.” – Hebrews 12:29

Last Night.

There aren’t enough words in the universe to describe what happened last night. To give you the best glimpse I humanly can of what happened last night I will basically be writing out what I wrote in my journal.

I hope you read this and are encouraged and inspired. God is real and He is here.

October 28, 2013

Tonight. I don’t think words can accurately portray what happened tonight. I know I want to blog about it, but I want to see if Oyinda, Maddie, and Megan would be cool with me using their names. 

It started off as nothing really. Oyinda and I were walking out of her dorm and came across Megan’s car where Maddie and Megan were still talking. We kind of just squeezed ourselves into her car when we saw Maddie crying. Maddie just began sharing her heart. She explained how God has used her, but it hasn’t been easy. Then Oyinda opened up about how the Lord has used her, and what God has shown her about her father. I opened up after and just talked about the insecurity that plagued my life. We then kind of made this deal to just guard what we say and how much time we spend talking about marriage, and just making sure we’re not idolizing marriage the way we had been. 

After our little agreement, we started hashing out other feelings that we have felt. The next moment, Megan said we needed to pray. Like now. She started us off, praying for the school and that the God would just light a fire in our hearts to spread the Word. Maddie prayed for the ability to find our identity in Christ and strength to get through our present struggles. Oyinda prayed for the covering of all of our pasts hurts, and for the gift of forgiveness to those who had hurt us. 

Throughout this whole prayer time there was a shifting that was happening. I don’t know how to accurately describe it but the atmosphere was changing. When it came my turn to pray I knew the Holy Spirit had descended down into that car. I tried to start praying. I was honestly trying to find some eloquent words that I could drum up, but the Holy Spirit just took over. Then it began to pour out. 

I looked at Maddie, and the prayer just took a life of its own. I can’t remember all the words that were said, but I knew it hit where it needed to. Suddenly, Oyinda was then given a vision of Maddie in the future. It was beautiful. Then without warning Oyinda and I were speaking in our prayer language. For a solid hour we prayed, sang, laughed, cried all at once. 

Just snippets of what happened in that hour:

I remember just words spilling out of my mouth for Megan. That her heart would be restored. That her tears and pain are not in vain. Her heart would know what is right and what is wrong. She would have discernment, and she would be anointed to do all the God has set for her to do. Maddie I remember just praying for healing of all the broken places. That she will be confident in knowing that God has a perfect plan for her. She is precious to him. Oyinda I just burst into tears when I saw her crying out to God. Somehow I got a glimpse of her struggle, and I felt her pain. I just remember that freedom was declared over her life, and the enemy had been rebuked. We all declared complete freedom in all of our lives, and that we would walk out of that car new women of God!

The purest form of joy had settled on all of us after that. We laughed and were in utter shock of what had just happened. I hadn’t felt that way was since Canvas camp when I rededicated my life. It was magical.  Freedom. We have been set free from all strongholds. After we prayed and recovered from the shock of it all we began to worship. We got out of the car and unashamedly worshiped and danced for our Savior. As this beautiful time came to close we all had to part ways, but right when Megan was about to leave; her car broke down! We called some amazing friends who came and jumped her car, but  at that point a broken down car wasn’t about to discourage us!

Lord, You are so good!  I don’t think I can say that enough. The fact that you used me blows my mind. I am confident in knowing that I am here for a reason. I am good enough. The Holy Spirit resides in all of our hearts! The enemy has no place here, for this place is Holy Ground. 

I honestly was afraid to write everything that happened because of fear that some things could be taken the wrong way. But I realize now that the Holy Spirit moves in ways that we can’t even began to understand.

Last night was truly mind-blowing. Spiritual gifts were revealed, strongholds were broken, freedom was found, and hearts were restored. I hope anyone who reads this is encouraged. I hope you see a glimpse of the goodness of God, and realize that it the Holy Spirit falls freely on those who believe.

A huge thank you to all my lovely friends! Megan, Maddie, and Oyinda. Y’all have been such an inspiration to me, and I’m so thankful for the friendship that we have. I love how we can be completely honest and vulnerable with each other. I am glad we get to do life together and I get to see what God is doing in each of you. I love y’all!