Lately

May 11, 2015

in the quiet, with clutched and achy hands, you dump out your burdened heart. the hurt, the confusion, the insecurity. you’ve needed this moment. be honest, you’ve needed this for a while now. it’s time to let it go. it’s time to decompress and just lay down for a while. you try to conceive what it would be like. maybe it will come like winter, with a bitter reality encased in a cold chill. or maybe it will come like summer, with a bright revelation wrapped in a warm glow. maybe, just maybe; it will come in the quiet. like the soft wind suspended between two seasons. waiting, anticipating the changes to come. you’ll listen intently for that voice. the voice your heart longs to hear. you’ll begin to pay close attention to the soft rustle of leaves and the quick snap of branches. but for now you wait. in the quiet, you wait with a steadfast hope. what are you waiting for? you’re not sure. maybe it’s reassurance. a word that speaks just to your soul and yours alone. or you wait for something tangible. something that takes you by the hand and leads you to what you’ve ached to fathom. you’ll wait. however long it takes, you’ll wait because you know that in the passage of the middle you are being refined. weeds lose their hold and seeds prepare to sprout life. you long to be truly satisfied in these quiet moments. you pine for peace and the realization that you want absolutely nothing, and have all that you need. you fill your lungs and trap the promise that you lack no good thing inside your chest. you’ll wait to bloom. you know you will. because you’ve weathered too many erratic storms, stilted winds, and wilted harvest to stop you now. you’ll wait with emptied hands and a light heart. you’ll wait for the voice your heart yearns to know; the voice that calls you home.

May 26, 2015

it’s comfortable. this life you lead. but it’s not enough. your comfort is safe and debilitating all at the same time. but there is only so much your soul can take. be honest with yourself, this is not what you wanted. you’ve compromised; something you said you’ll never do. but it’s not too late. it’s never to late when He’s here with you. He was there when your heart cracked open and birthed a strength you thought you lacked. He was there when the foxes prowled in your vineyard and attempted to steal your joy. He was there. patient, and steadfast in His love for you. this comfort isn’t so comfortable anymore, is it? it’s starting to chaff and leave your soul exposed. you’ve patched over it a few times. hoping that lies conceal and your secrets erase, but it doesn’t work that way. He’s the only balm for that patchwork soul of yours. still, you lack direction and courage to listen. it isn’t what you want to hear. to give it all up? but Jesus, isn’t that too much? still your heart beats for something greater. something fills you and calls you out of that comfort, into the unknown. it almost sounds like drums, the beat floods you from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet. and you walk. you leave your comfort behind and walk into the call placed on your life. it’s daunting, but you know the drums beat out a rhythm of grace that guides your every step. your song of deliverance rings inside of you and overflows to those who have yet to hear of His goodness. you’re out of your comfort and in the hands of the ultimate Comforter. you have tasted His goodness and want for nothing. you sit and listen in His presence. His anointing sweeps over your body and you dance. free and unashamed, you dance to the beat, the song only meant for your heart to hear. you’ve pushed past comfort and reached a place where His love is naked before you. your comfort dimmed its light, but there’s no mistaking the love that shines in His eyes. eyes that blaze with passion, and acceptance. you realize now that comfort can be overrated. you’d much rather dance before the One who created you to do more. so much more.

Heart Wide Open.

There’s just something about waking up to a new day knowing that it’s filled and brimming with possibility. I woke up today with that feeling. It’s hard to explain, but in my mind the word that keeps playing like a record is, “new.”

Just, new.

Throughout the day I’ve been taking inventory of all the new things that have happened upon my life.

1. My room has actually been clean for the past 72 hours.  WHAT?!

2. I’ve been going to the gym for the past few days, and instead of buying a Reese’s I actually went to the gym TODAY. This is totally new for me. Reese’s and I have an awesome relationship except the calories are starting to strain the relationship. It sucks.

3. I actually ate a Snickers for breakfast this morning though. So it’s probably good I didn’t get that Reese’s. Honestly, I don’t advice eating Snickers for breakfast because my stomach could not take all that chocolatey richness that early in the morning.

4.  I tried Haitian Beet Potato Salad. It wasn’t  all that great but it was a pretty color! I’m even trying to learn some Haitian Creole. Don’t ask me what I’ve learned either because when I say “learning” it means I am moving at a snail’s pace, but slower.

afterlight (1)

5. I took a bubble bath and got distracted by all the bubbles which lead to it overflowing and flooding my bathroom. Then I just laughed and laughed until I realized that I really just flooded my bathroom and there wasn’t enough towels in my cabinet to clean it up.

6. I went to a yoga class. Even though this morning my behind, back, and hips were not all that happy about my latest venture.

7. I’m learning how to be extra compassionate and caring in my CNA class.

8. I’m actually really excited and challenged to be apart of Lakewood Young Adults. I’m finally going to volunteer!

All of these things are really small and a little trivial, but I look at them as new. These things haven’t happened to me and I find myself embracing it with my heart wide open. I can only describe this feeling of newness as a heart change. It has been a gift from God. I’m finding joy in the simplest things, and realizing that this is what God has been singing over me my whole life. I have been liberated from my past and I’m stepping into this new season with all senses on alert.

I’m determined to see things with my eyes wide open, and take it all in hoping my brain will be able to comprehend every precious detail. I want to continue to feel not just with my sense of touch, but deep down. I want my soul, spirit, and heart to be so exposed to the new things that God is dropping into my life, and appreciate it all. I need to continue to search for more things to hear. Whether it be a new beautiful song, a friends tale of what has been going on in their life, or a cute baby’s laugh. I need to be more open to tasting new things. I mean, I need to find a healthier way to get my Reese’s fix. Stat. I long to smell all the flowers,  the perfumes that I can’t afford yet, and the good food cooking in the kitchen. I want to smell it all. except the stinky stuff. Just no. 

These things that I’ve listed probably have already happened in my life, but I think with a new perspective I will be able to see just how “new” they can be.

So here’s to the newness of life! It’s bursting at the seams with new things to see, feel, hear, taste, and smell. All you have to do is maybe have a  good perspective check and  prepare yourself to receive the new things that God wants to shower over you.

“It is only when the mind is free from the old that it meets everything anew, and in that there is joy.” 
― Jiddu Krishnamurti